One of the most difficult parts on change is to make the decision to move forward with it. Depending on the decision at hand, you can take days, weeks, months, and sometimes years of contemplation. There are endless lists of pros and cons, coughing and turn, dreaming and arguing in nausea until one day, you have decided. Then, of course, there are other great decisions that you make quickly — feel boldly decisive, you trust your instinct and go with it.
The difference between the toughest decisions and the easiest decisions? It often comes down to fear. Fear of making the wrong decision, fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of leaving someone below, etc. And what do you need to defend those fears?
Value: the ability to do something that scares one.
Doing something that scares you is much easier to say than do it but I have four suggestions for what can help, things that work for me:
1. Trust your instinct.
Most of the time, you know your answer. Trust your instincts, your instincts are usually right.
2. “Look in the mirror” exercise
You have to be the one who wakes up every day and looks at you in the mirror. And yes, of course, we look every day as we brush our teeth, applying our makeup, and looking at our look, but all that is passive time of the mirror. I’m talking about an intentional pause to stop, approach a mirror, and look in the eyes. Look deep into the person you once went, see the person you’re at that time and challenge yourself to connect with the person you want to become. Ask yourself, what do you want? Are you happy? Ask yourself about the decision by hand and ask yourself if you will be disappointed if you do not advance with the change. You can learn a lot about how you feel through this.
I discovered this exercise when I was unhappy in a relationship but I didn’t have the courage to get out of it. I felt like I was on a escalator that went down to the end of a hallway, like you walked for a wedding, and you didn’t know how to get out of it. Although I knew deep down wasn’t right, I tried to convince myself otherwise, constantly. Then one day, when that escalator felt he was moving faster than usual, I saw a look at myself in the mirror and started crying spontaneously. I approached the mirror, looked into my eyes and everything I saw was disappointing. I was disappointed to stay, to allow myself to be unhappy because I was afraid of change, fear of what if, fear of leaving comfort, fear of disappointing others. But you know what I was most afraid of? Be disappointed by myself forever. It was at that time that I decided and ended it.
Remember all those dignified Pinterest quotes that may seem fuzzy but are true. Print them, get the phone to wake up, read when you wake up! Use them as reassurance snacks. Some I love:
– Life is a daring adventure or nothing.
– Nothing is permanent.
– Difficult roads usually lead to beautiful destinations.
– You’re the artist of your life. Don’t give anyone else the brush.
– If you don’t change direction, you can finish where you’re headed.
– You always have permission to change your mind.
– You want to look back and ask yourself, what if? ”
– The only way to find out is to do it.
– You’re allowed to try again and again.
– Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as getting stuck somewhere that doesn’t belong.
– No risk, no reward.
– Be the best version of YOU.
4. Future views of that decision
Similar to the art of manifesting myself, I like to visualize myself on every side of the decision. For example, if you are contemplating a movement of life… take a few minutes to dream about what that would be like from the beginning of your day to the end. How would your routine be? How would you feel? Does it feel good (even beyond its scarcity)? How does it feel after the newness of the decision is exhausted? Are you forced and wrong? Are you longing for life before your decision?
I hope this is helpful to anyone who has a big decision. Whether that is a career change, let go of a relationship (including friends!), start a family, move somewhere new or simply, cut hair, change is difficult but usually worth it! And the worst case, if it doesn’t work, can try again and grow from each experience.